The Memorial Service will be Monday, May 10th, 2010, starting in the hospital chapel. REMEMBERING PRECIOUS LIVES! Please RSVP if able, but you are also welcome even if you decide to come at the last moment.
When Pregnancy Follows a Loss: by Joann O’Leary PHD, Clare Thorwick RN
The loss of a baby during pregnancy or in the newborn period is the most devastating event parents can undergo. Our children are not supposed to die before us. Few people understand the conflicting emotions that surface during a subsequent pregnancy, nor that these feelings are normal. Embracing the life of a new baby can be daunting when others may not understand you are still a parent to the baby who died. That baby is part of your family forever. One of the things that push parents to try again for a healthy pregnancy is to fill that void that the baby that died leaves within the couple. Empty Arms by Sherokee Ilse speaks to the depth of pain parents feel when their baby dies. She has been through losses herself, and can relate in so many ways. Feelings about trying again can be mixed, especially when others may have said things such as, “you’re young, you can have another child.” Such cold comforts fail because parents realize that they can never have the same child again. Some thought is that you should wait at least three months before trying again, but there is no research to actually support this. However, you do need to give yourself time to grieve the baby you lost. Keep in mind that waiting three months will place your due date near the time of your loss.
For many they are sure from the beginning that they will want to try for another baby. For others, deciding can be a struggle, “should we try to have another baby? Is it worth the risk?”
Keep in mind that a new pregnancy and a new baby will not take away the memory or love for the baby who has died. You will always be a parent to that baby. The new baby will be a Sibling, not a replacement.
What you can do to prepare:
- Decide which care provider will meet your needs.
- Review with the care provider details of the prior loss.
- Discuss a plan for your needs and wants in each stage of pregnancy to achieve the best possible outcome.
- When deciding on a care provider:
- Does the provider have knowledge regarding high-risk medical factors and specialists, if needed?
- Does the provider have an understanding of the emotional dynamics for parents who have had losses.
- Will the provider take time for you and provide office visits based on your emotional needs?
- Will they allow you to call or come in for reassurances when you need it?
- Does the care provider seem attentive and sensitive to your needs?
Little Light by Gwen Flowers
Like a softly burning candle
With a golden kind of glow,
You lit my life with joy
‘Til my heart would overflow.
Bright with possibility
And hope for each new day,
We had so many plans for you.
Then you went away.
Your little flame extinguished,
Now the shadows come about.
The gloom is overwhelming,
Hopeless, I cry out.
“Why did you leave me, Little One?
Tell me where you are!”
And my eyes look to heaven
And I see a twinkling star.
It glitters with a promise
That you’re not so far away;
And the love that you brought us
Is here with us to stay.
Remember—author unknown
When God calls his little children to dwell with Him above,
We mortals always question the wisdom of his love.
For no heartache compares with the death of one small child
Who does so much to make this world seem wonderful and mild.
Perhaps God tires of always calling the aged to His Fold,
And so He picks a rosebud before it can grow old.
God knows how much we need them and takes but few,
To make the land of heaven more beautiful to view.
Believing this is difficult, but still somehow we must try,
The saddest word that mankind knows will always be, “Goodbye.”
And so when little ones depart, we who are left behind
Must realize how much God loves little children,
For angels are hard to find.
The Healing Place is located in the old part of the city cemetery. It is a space dedicated to those who have lost a child. Later this Spring, the Hannah Center will begin placing names in memory of these babies/children. Ir you have experienced this sadness in your life, you might want to consider a remembrance of your child. Call for information to 715-387-6300