Not Guilt, Regret by Kitty Sanders
One of our basic responsibilities as parents is to keep our children from harm. So, when anything happens to them, we feel guilty whether we could realistically have done anything or not. When the ultimate tragedy occurs, we are devastated. How could we let it happen? Why didn’t we stop it? If we have compounded our guilt with any degree of human error of commission or omission, we are beyond devastation. Even words, either of anger or left unspoken, haunt us. Guilt implies intent. If we intended to harm our child, we can feel guilty of that. If we never intended harm to ever, ever come to our child, the correct name for our emotion is REGRET! The crushing pain is still there, but regret is softer, gentler, less judgmental, and easier to forgive and to heal. It is also more accurate. If that name doesn’t feel strong enough for our feelings, it will in time. Let it float there and try it now and then. Not guilt—we feel regret.
A Share Poem
As each day passes, you are with me always,
I hold you close in memory.
I never knew how much my heart would ache
Or how difficult this journey might be.
You are there when I see the
Sun and rain and moon, and stars,
And when I see a butterfly soar
I know you are not very far.
I remember each and every moment
Even though we are apart,
Because your spirit lives on right within my heart.
Come to You Anew (by Dawn Noelle Archer
In memory of Benjamin)
This day
Return me to the earth
My ending
And so my beginning
Scatter me where you will
Planting me deep
in your collective souls
Shed your tears
that your grief may
Nurture my memory
Though I be silent now
watch for me
in the springs of this life
I will come to you anew.
Spring is upon us or so we hope. A lot of snow has melted over the past week, and we so welcome nicer weather. Just to be outside for a short time and breathe in the fresh air, and let the sun warm us. Thinking as time goes by, we will see the tulips peaking through the ground and the buds forming on the trees. New life reminds us that we also have renewal and new life. Yes, the devastation in the loss of ones’ baby is very difficult, but we have to look around us and see all the wonderful things we still have. Spring always reminds us of the wonders of the world. We have hope that our baby is in a wonderful place, and will never hurt, but that doesn’t make us miss them any less or want them to be here with us. Our arms and hearts can feel so empty. In time new and wonderful things will happen to us. We have to be patient. Life circles around in unending hopes and dreams.
I am hoping that we will get Group going again soon. Please continue to call to see if we will have it in March. We will have a Memorial service in May, so watch for the upcoming newsletters to see when it will be held. (Lucy)
On This Day by Karen Kaiser Clark
We need to celebrate moments.
Life is fragile and brief.
We need to love lavishly
There is no greater gift.
We need to laugh heartily
Joy seasons the soul.
We need to look with our hearts
Truth and pain may be hidden.
We need to listen carefully
Voices of fear only whisper.
We need to cherish one another
Reverence for person is rare.
We need to reach out to those
Who have not yet learned how.
For the measure of how well
We have lived is---
HOW WELL WE HAVE LOVED!