Summer is a wonderful time to get away from your troubles and sorrows. Of course if your loss has been very recent, that isn’t as easy to do. However, do take some vacation time, and maybe during some very quiet time, you can reflect on your baby. What you wanted for this child. What time you did have with your baby. How your baby looked. How it felt to hold your infant. How this baby still plays an important role in your family history. Summer tears can be very healing. Maybe the loss is a short time ago, but some of your sorrow was fading, which is a good thing, but taking time to remember your baby brings back a whole flood of tears. It might just be what you needed to step over another hurdle in your loss. Do try to enjoy the warmth and freshness of summer. Lucy
What is Grief:
Grief is a natural response to loss. It’s the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. When you associate grief with the death of a loved one it causes the most intense grief.
Grieving is highly personal and highly individual experience. How you grieve depends on many factors, including your personality and coping style, your life experiences, your faith, and the nature of the loss. The Grieving process takes time. Healing happens gradually; it can’t be forced or hurried—and there is no “normal” timetable for grieving. Some people start to feel better in weeks or months. The grieving process for others, may take years. Whatever you grief experience, it’s important to be patient with yourself and allow the process to naturally unfold.
Myths and Facts about Grief:
Myth: The pain will go away faster if you ignore it.
Fact: Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. For real healing it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it.
Myth: It’s important to “be strong” in the face of loss.
Fact: Feeling sad, frightened, or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. Crying doesn’t mean you are weak. You don’t need to “protect” your family or friends by putting on a brave front. Showing your true feelings is important in your healing process and often helps your family and friends with their grief.
Myth: If you don’t cry, it means you aren’t sorry about the loss.
Fact: Crying is a normal response to sadness, but it’s not the only one. Those who don’t cry may feel the pain just as deeply as others. They may simply have other ways of showing it. (Hint about Fathers--- They sometime just have to pound on something and go to the garage and do just that. They may need to build something or tear something down--- getting out their frustrations and pain, may need to be physical.—such as running, working on the treadmill, etc. )
Myth: Grief should last about a year.
Fact: There is no right or wrong time frame for grieving. How long it takes differs from person to person.
Times to contact a grief counselor or professional therapist if you:
1-Feel like life isn’t worth living.
2-Wish you had died with your loved one.
3-Blame yourself for the loss or for failing to prevent it.
4- Feel numb and disconnected from others for more than a week.
5-Are having difficulty trusting others since your loss.
One Sunday Afternoon by James Kavanaugh
One Sunday afternnon
You saw my tears
Precipitous and sobbing from my eyes,
Too fierce to be ashamed,
Too wounded to be stealthy,
Too sudden to be announced,
And while the water washed your hands and face
You held me close
To siphon out the pain.
One Sunday afaternoon
You saw my tears
And like an anxious mother asked:
“What brings such weeping?”
And even as you asked for reasons
The torrents disappeared
Only stains of tears remained.
What do reasons have to do with tears?
When you cannot find peace in yourself it is useless to look for it elsewhere. (La Rochefoucauld)