Our Remembrance Service will be held Monday May 10th, 2010 at 7 P.M. starting in the hospital chapel. We will walk up to the TLC plot in Hillside cemetery after the service in Memory of all the babies that have died. Following the walk everyone is welcome to the Hospital Board Room down the hall from the chapel for refreshments, a time to visit with others, and to place a heart in memory of your baby on the Memory Quilt. Our theme for this service is Remembering Precious Lives! All are welcome to come to the service. If you know for sure you are coming, please call the Birth Center and let us know how many. Family and friends are welcome to come. If it is a last minute decision, you are still welcome.
A Walk To Remember by Kathie Mayo
I walk to remember
The steps you’ll never take.
I carry you with me
As I firmly plant my feet.
Our trek started long ago,
Before my belly swelled.
You were a love that grew—
Like butterfly wings that beat.
Your gently flutters then became
Kicks upon which I would dwell.
And I would talk to you, sweet babe,
About the world you soon would meet.
The sun always shown upon us then—
When you were in my womb.
And I eager to show you the world
That would have been your home.
How you’d have loved the sun shining—
Blue skies without a cloud.
The autumn leaves turning---
The snow falling all around.
The flowers in the summer—
Would have filled your eyes with smiles,
And the rain that might have fallen
Would have caused you great surprise.
You would have traveled far with me—
Holding me by the hand.
And I’d have shown you all I could—
More than I can imagine.
You hold my heart tightly now,
As through we’re holding hands.
How far we’ve traveled, little one—
And my life with you has been sweet.
For I carry you in my heart
As I firmly plant my feet.
Accepting and Moving ON by Deborah L. Davis Ph.D. The Live born Infant
At first, you baby’s death is something you do not want to accept. Letting go is something you cannot do all at once. Given the alternatives, you did decide it was best to let your baby be, to concede to the fate that waited. But your concession probably felt more like surrender under protest than a graceful acquiescence. Even after your decision, you may have resisted the ides that your baby would die until the very end.
Grieving is what enables you to come to terms with your baby’s illness, your decision and your baby’s death. Eventually you will learn to accept and integrate this experience into your life. As you resolve your grief, letting go will feel more comfortable.
To resolve your grief, you must go through the grieving process, that is, work through your sadness, anger, hurt and other painful feelings. By dwelling on your memories and emotions, eventually, you will discover that you can remember your baby without falling apart. As you reach resolution, your sadness and longing will mellow and merge with happier memories. You can accept that your relationship with your baby has changed and you acquire a sense of peace. Although you move on, you take your memories with you and you will always keep a place in your heart for this baby.
As you grieve, be kind to yourself. Give yourself permission to fall apart, to give up responsibilities, to withdraw, to spend time alone with just your feelings and your memories. Do what you need to do to feel close to your baby and to say your good-byes. Take all the time you need. (Even though this refers to the Live born infant, feelings are the same, and this advice is to all whom have a loss.)
Finding Treasure in Adversity, by Deborah L. Davis Ph.D.
In spite of the impossible situation you faced, you may feel a sense of having played an intense, indispensable role in your baby’s life. For most parents, decisions weighing the “best interests of the child” don’t get much more serious than choosing between cloth and synthetic diapers, private or public schooling. Choosing between nature and medical technology is surely one of the most passionate parenting experiences. As a result, your relationship with this child was extraordinarily profound and poignant, concentrated and heartfelt.
Perhaps you will always resent having to make this decision. But if you can discover some positives, you will be able to more easily integrate this experience into your life.
Beth’s feeling about her baby: For quite some time, I was angry that with all the technology, they could save tiny 2 pounds babies, but not my big 9# 13 oz. baby boy. I now feel that without that technology, Mark would have been stillborn and I’m very grateful for the 5 and half days I did have with him, to be his mother, and to cherish that relationship.